I lost myself for a decade, and in turn, I wasted a decade trying to “find” myself again. During the ten years that I battled the lightless pit that was my eating disorder, I held onto a memory of a past me, a memory of myself as who I was and who I wanted to be, desperate to find that me again, and somtimes running from the me of the past as well. As a result, I spent ten years scouring around and falling over my own feet time after time again trying to find someone that I could never become nor should I have wanted to become.
You can never and should never be what you were in the past, because the past is in the past. Stop looking for the yourself you think that you left behind or the person you think you should be, and instead focus on creating the self that you are becoming. Even if you are only glancing over your own shoulder looking to stay away from the past you that you once were, you are still trying to find the wrong thing. Focusing on finding instead of creating will never get anyone anywhere.
Don’t find yourself. Go create yourself.